Silence

Apparently communication is no longer possible in this day and age. With all this technology and instant contact, I STILL can't get anyone to tell me what the hell is going on.


How hard is it to pick up the phone, send a text, send an email, or stop over and SPEAK WORDS? I am so much more understanding if people tell me what's going on, even if they don't know. Even a minor detail to someone may make another person feel less irritated.


I hate details being given through a grapevine because what might not be important to one person IS important to another. I want to go directly to the source but don't always have the time. But I guess from here on out, I'll have to add ONE more item to my never ending list of things that HAVE to be done.


I am going to perform an experiment on my husband. In fact, it's not going to be an experiment but a "tit for tat" experience. I am simply going to go along on my very busy day planning and scheduling everything that needs to be done and "conveniently" avoid providing these details to said husband. It'll be more of a "need to know" sort of experiment. I'm sure he won't appreciate the lack of information but ....tit for tat.


My house is in a current state of upheaval with a bathroom and dining room remodel. The plumber won't call my husband and my husband won't call the plumber. The contractor is getting anxious to start work (and I'm tired of not having a gapping hole in the bathroom). So absolutely no communication one direction or another. I had to interview for a job at the paying job. Not because I wanted to but to show that I have initiative and not be pigeon holed. Lots of drama there and no one knows what's going on because everything is under wraps. So even more silence. Then throw in daycare and them not telling us until the last minute about supplies and field trips.


I'm tired of living in silence.

Type A Hanging Out

It seems that as the minutes tick by on the clock, that I get more and more stressed out. Some of the stress comes from things that are out of my control. Others are in my control and yet I can't seem to figure out how to wrangle them and get anything under control.


I need some semblance of balance in this crazy life and I can't figure it out. I had a job interview for a job I wasn't even considering. But during the interview, I was asked about my skills. I'm not certified in anything. But in the back of my head, I KNOW that if I want to move forward, that I need to take classes and get certified.


But HOW?!?!


How in the hell am I supposed to juggle a full time job (being away from home for 11 hours a day), work my second job (i.e., my non-profit that I am the sole provider for and falling very short), be a good parent to my two very small children (one not even being a year old yet!), and keeping everything on task at home (we wont' even talk about paying any attention to the husband which is a third job all on its own). I'm in the middle of TWO, count them, TWO remodels. I can't seem to get anyone to work on them. So now, the remodels are at a standstill until at least Wednesday. But they are shutting water off today, so now I get to wrangle two small kids into a camper the size of a teacup to take baths. Hopefully they leave the water on to the toilet. But that remodel story will be for another post.


I'm just trying to figure out how does a mom climb the corporate ladder and still be a good mom? Where's the line in the sand that I have to step over to make a name for myself and yet be there for my kids? What do I have to give up? I'm looking at giving up a couple of outside activities but that'll render me completely alone for relationships outside of work. I need those other relationships to keep my second job afloat. But if I give up those other activities, will that give me time to take a couple of classes to be certified? And is it really worth it?


I had my baby nine months ago and I'm heavier now than when I walked out of the hospital. I don't get enough sleep even when its' not my turn to get up with the baby. I forget that my daughter is still a baby. I am afraid I'm watching her grow up before my eyes and I just blinked. It's only been nine months and yet, people treat my life like I've had kids for a long time and that I don't have a baby, like they are teenagers. Where is my time to just play with my kids, my baby?


I'm frustrated at the world. I need more time and yet everyone has the same amount of time. I guess my goal is finding how to utilize my time to the maximum. I'm afraid that'll mean burning the candle at both ends.


I know some of my frustration is life in general and the other part is PMS at the moment. Yes, I think I actually have PMDD but it's never been diagnosed by a doctor. But that's for another post all on its own. I guess I'm just frustrated and exhausted. I hate having so many pieces up in the air. As my husband would say, my type A is hanging out.

Hostile Situation and Negotiation Training

What people don't tell you is that moms should really take Hostile Situation training or Negotiation training. Being a mom to a three year old, I'm learning the art of negotiating to avoid a hostile situation. At least once a day I have to negotiate my way out of a hostile situation to avoid a massive fight.


I'm currently updating my resume for the paying job and I'm starting to think that I need to have a separate resume for being a mom, especially an epic fail momma. But in that resume, I'd need to have some certifications, which should include Hostile Situation training and Negotiation training, because face it, every parent of a three year old has to do some sweet negotiations to avoid a total meltdown in public (we won't even mention the meltdowns no one sees).


To be an  Epic Fail Momma, some of the job responsibilities include:

• Eating snacks that have been in my purse for god knows how long because you forgot to bring any snacks
• Bringing the wrong toy to entertain your child on the short trip home from daycare
• Letting your kids pee in the lawn
• Allowing your kids to sit naked at the kitchen table while they eat yogurt

There's plenty more but my brain capacity for resumes is maxed out. I think I'll spend the next hour researching training options so I can be certified to help others in negotiation with their three year old.

Redo Button

I wish some days had a redo button or maybe it needs to be an undo button. Either way, I'd like to go back and reclaim my day and make it not sucky. Because, frankly, today was a sucky day.


I can handle stress in one aspect of my life but not in all aspects of my life. Yes, I'm that over zealous person who thinks they can do EVERYTHING. So now that I'm faced with change, turmoil, drama, and just a shit ton of work, I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed. But I don't dare say anything because then I'll be marked as a complainer or someone who can't handle their work. Either way, I'm screwed.


I'm a crier. Always have been. It took all my power not to burst into tears today, multiple times because of all the stess. Unfortunately, I couldn't even have a good old fashioned cry after work. Why, because shit needs to get done. I did shed a few tears but it was short lived and I was back to reality.


If only I had a redo button so I could be more bold and outspoken on things that down right piss me off.

Introduction

Where to begin?


I'm a "post maternal age" momma with two young kids working full time at one job and part time at another job (although it should be full time).  This Sunday marks my six year wedding anniversary, even though we'll have been together for 15 years this summer.


This blog is a place for me to vent and voice my frustrations about life (yes, there will be swearing involved). I'll share my epic fails as a momma (and hopefully my not-so-epic fails). I have no idea if I'll post once a month, once a week, once a day, or never. It all depends on my stress level.


Here's to every epic fail momma out there.